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Defining yourself: Unfiltered.

June 23rd, 2010 | 31 comments | Skydiving, Unfiltered

You know when you have those lightbulb moments, but you don’t realize they are lightbulb moments until like, five years later? Cue the saying about hindsight being 20/20. What if you were fortunate enough to have an AH-HA! moment and realize, right then and there, that it was exactly what you thought it was? What if you could identify turning points in your life as they were actually happening, not years later?

Yesterday, that happened.

I think a lot of this has a lot to do with being self-aware. Perhaps that’s why my mind is racing eleventy billion miles per hour. Perhaps my comfort with myself, my level of self-awareness is reaching dangerous new heights. And by dangerous, naturally, I mean totally awesome. The other part of it is that I’m fortunate enough to have a handful of people in my life that understand how my brain works, where my head is at and can identify what I’m going through because they’ve been there.

For the past three weeks, I’ve been struggling with what I thought was an internal battle of whether I wanted to be a skydiver or work in PR. Back and forth, back and forth, my mind was spinning like I was spinning in level four on Sunday (really fast, controlled for the most part, but really, really fast). Last Tuesday, in particular, was incredibly difficult. I didn’t know where I was going. Was I unhappy at work? Was skydiving the answer? Did I miss my parents (they been in Alaska for over a week now)? Which way was up?

Then, yesterday, I was fortunate enough to speak with two of my mentors on this lovely little quarterlife crisis I’m battling. One put it very simply: “Sydney, this isn’t about skydiving vs. PR, it’s about you taking a step back and reevaluating how you define yourself.”

Hello, clarity, thanks for stopping by.

Another mentor told me yesterday that a lot of this has to do with me getting over the honeymoon phase of this first chapter of my new life. I’m not in college anymore. I’m not living at home. In fact, I picked up, relocated for a killer opportunity, and now, thanks to the introduction of skydiving into my little world, I’m seeing things differently. And that’s okay.

Lessons learned yesterday: this happens. To some people it happens around 30. Some later. Some earlier. The fact of the matter is, this isn’t something I can solve by end of business, nor should I try. Apparently, this is growing up.

When it comes to me defining myself, well, it’s pretty simple (read: not really at all). Yesterday, I changed my bio. It was only about me professionally, there was nothing else on there about my life. Largely because my life was my work, and now that’s changed. It’s a small step, but a first step. Rewriting a biography about yourself is interesting, especially when you read the old one and scoff, because your new life is so much better than it used to be.

But I think Mentor #1 was right. I had previously been defining myself as “Sydney, the gal that is super-jazzed about social/emerging/digital shenanigans and is eager to learn more and teach others.” Which is still true. I am still that. But I am also at a point where I’m figuring out that I want more than that. Cue Mentor #2 and the honeymoon phase. I shot out of the honeymoon phase at 120 mph as soon as I did my first solo dive. Skydiving gives me a sense of clarity that I can’t get from anything else. When you’re throwing yourself out of airplanes, you’re responsible for (smiling, relaxing and having fun) saving your own life. You don’t have time for everything else that’s going on in your brain – multitasking is NOT allowed.

So, do I have it all ironed out? No. And that’s okay. As I start to poke around with new ideas, I’ll start to discover what I want, where I want to be and how I’m going to get there. This defining myself thing is most definitely a process.

So, kids, where are your heads at? Are you experiencing anything remotely close to this? And when you realized that you weren’t batshit crazy for having eleventy billion racing thoughts, what helped you to realize that? A conversation with someone you admire/aspire to be like someday? A long drive? A walk on the beach? What helps you clear your head?

  • Megan Ogulnick

    Sydney- Fantastic post. :) It's always interesting to see what kids my age are going through. I have always admired your dedication, passion, and drive, but lately I have truly admired your thirst for life. Who knew throwing yourself out of an airplane could be so life-changing? I look forward to my Ah-ha, throw myself out of an airplane moment. :) Thanks for sharing this.

    Coffee, tea, hot chocolate, slurpees soon!

    Best, Megan

  • http://www.smallhandsbigideas.com Grace Boyle

    I like the piece where you changed your bio. I've mentioned this to a few other blogging friends when they ask for feedback I say, your bio says nothing about YOU. Like really YOU. It's professional and it's exciting to learn about what you do, but does work define you? Is it who you are? Depends on the person.

    Nonetheless, no matter how professionally driven you are, we all have personalities and things we enjoy (besides being at work). Love it and this post!

  • http://www.alwaysjacked.com Alan Kercinik

    How great that you've experienced something in life that is giving you reason to ask these kind of questions. The one thing I'd suggest: don't just chalk this up to a “quarterlife crisis”; taking the periodic step back to decide who you want to be is a great thing to do throughout life. It keeps you engaged.

    As for the thanks … well … you're doing all the work. Keep it up.

  • http://www.scribnia.com/author/show/473/david-spinks/ David Spinks

    Timely as hell for me.

    I've been battling with myself over similar thoughts a lot lately. A lot of it is better discussed in private.

    Someone I spoke to about it said maybe it's an early mid-life crisis.

    I just see so many different routes that I can take in my life today. I see some things holding me back, and others opening doors. It's starting to feel more and more like the decisions I make today will determine the rest of my life.

    It's tough…

    And I still haven't jumped out of a plane.

  • http://twitter.com/mikerobertsBGH Mike Roberts

    Your best post ever. You had the breakthrough moment, but I feel like I did! It's really cool that you utilize mentors, people who have walked a similar path, but you still recognize that your journey is uniquely your own.

  • astrout

    Sydney – I continue to be amazed at your level of maturity and self-awareness. I think took me until my late twenties before I started to really “get it” so you've got a huge head start on most of your peers. The thing I love about our conversations is that you make mentoring you easy — something many folks seeking advice fall down at.

    Bottom line – keep on keepin' on. And as always, feel free to txt, DM, e-mail or call me any time!

  • http://wordswillsaveme.wordpress.com Teresa Basich

    Don't define yourself by anything that you “do”. You are a person, not an action, right? There's much more to you than the things that you do, say, feel, whatever. I'm still figuring out who I am and I'm 28. Did I have a quarter-life crisis? Nope, I just realized I wasn't a kid anymore. The definition of anyone's life path is always changing. Enjoy the journey, because that's all this is until the end. And as an afterthought — framing who you are with a definition only holds you back. Just be, Sydney.

  • http://sydneyowen.com Sydney Owen

    Thanks, Megan! You know where to find me if you ever want to go throw yourself out of a plane. :)

    And yes, some kind of beverage soon!

  • http://sydneyowen.com Sydney Owen

    Totally with you – work did define me. Not that it's a bad thing, but I'm moving away from that, I think.

    Can we hang soon, please? :)

  • http://sydneyowen.com Sydney Owen

    I think for the sake of identifying these questions for people who haven't and may never experience this, the whole “quarterlife crisis” thing puts it in some kind of context they can understand or possibly relate to. As we discussed yesterday – the whole skydiving thing presents a form of clarity that most humans on this planet will never experience, much less fully comprehend.

    Trust me, there's no chalking this up to some widely over-used term, at least not internally with my brain and myself. But you already knew that, now didn't you?

  • http://sydneyowen.com Sydney Owen

    I have a feeling we'll be able to sort this out tomorrow at #u30pro. And as for the plane thing – you know I'm always down. :)

  • Susan Pogorzelski

    You know what I absolutely love about this post, Sydney? The fact that, within your words, you can see how much you're growing. Not just growing up, though there's clear evidence of that, too, but growing and changing as a person. There's nothing more beautiful than that, I think.

    Here's what I think, from my own experience: When you're younger, you have a plan — a dream — and you stick by that plan and dream because it's what you know. I'm not saying you stick by it because it's comfortable and safe, but because this is what you know, this is what you've experienced, and this is what you love. And yet, as you get older, as time goes by and you experience new situations, discover new passions, you realize that those dreams you had? They can change. And that's ok and even beautiful in its own right.

    Life rarely works out exactly as we planned and it never remains stagnant. You've dreamed of working in PR but now you've discovered your love of skydiving. And in the coming years, you're going to discover a thousand other (give or take) dreams and passions and adventures.

    When all is said and done, I think THAT's what makes for a beautifully fulfilling life. Enjoy this. Enjoy discovering life and discovering yourself. It's quite the incredible journey. :)

  • http://sydneyowen.com Sydney Owen

    Well one, Mike, thanks for the “best post ever” bit. Really, thank you. That means a lot. And two, it's interesting to think of how much of this world revolves around balance, be it work/life balance or balancing advice from mentors – at the end of the day, you're exactly right – it's my journey. Which, brings up another point that will someday be a post all its own – the fact that it is my journey, not my mentors journey. If I took every bit of advice from every one of my mentors to heart, I'd be all over the place.

    It's important to have several different kinds of mentors that have different roles in your life. Alan, above, is a colleague of mine but we never really talk about work stuff. He's kind of like, well, a life coach more than anything else. Another one of my mentors here at work is helping me to shape my career as it goes here. Aaron, below, is my non-biased career mentor. We don't work together, so he's able to provide me with direction and insight as someone who sees my career from a thousand miles away. And balancing all of that advice, believe me, is proving to be an interesting journey all its own.

    Thanks for being here!

  • http://sydneyowen.com Sydney Owen

    Thanks for being a part of all this shenanigans, Aaron. While I may amaze with my level of maturity/self-awareness, it is without a doubt due in part to the guidance and direction you've helped to provide over the last couple of years, and for that, as you are well aware, I am beyond grateful.

    To Mike's point above, I think the key to staying sane and fresh and engaged is to have a good balance of people to get advice from. More often than not, you're the first person I turn to (after my parents) for advice because you've seen me grow since I was still a senior in college to where I am today. Having someone who understands how my brain works and can almost predict where I'm going next is refreshing, especially in the case of last Tuesday, where I was a rambling fool. :)

    So thanks for being here. Again.

  • http://www.lifewithoutpants.com Matt Cheuvront

    Work should never ever define you – that's a helluva lot easier said than done, but I have to convince myself, FORCE myself to not let that be the case. Work is a big part of my life, as it is for you – you and I, the rest of the people who have commented above (most of whom I know very well) have a thirst and passion for life.

    I know it sounds EXTREMELY cliche and sort of morbid – but life is short – way too short to not be doing what you want to be doing, what you NEED to be doing to feel fulfilled…

    Go jump out of planes every single day – enjoy every minute of it. Not that you need me to tell you that, because I now you will :)

  • http://sydneyowen.com Sydney Owen

    Hi! I'm so glad you dropped by!

    You're totally spot-on about the sticking by the dream thing. It, until now, has happened to me in all areas of my life. When I started dating a guy and said that I thought he could be the one, I didn't want to break up with him because I didn't want to let myself down. Crazy right? Same thing with school – I was hell bent on being a doctor, like, REALLY REALLY wanted to make that happen but at the end of the day I just couldn't get chem.

    Those days seem so long ago, but those too were turning points in my life. When I decided that I deserve better than a crappy boyfriend. When I sat down and analyzed exactly what I'm good at if being a doctor wasn't in the cards.

    I think this point seems to be much more serious, if you will, because now it's my LIFE. It's not just a piece of the “I'm in school full time, bartending full time, working two internships and OH YEAH trying to maintain this crap relationship” puzzle. Once I moved here, all of those things were taken off of my plate and replaced with one thing: Work. Now I'm making room for other things and challenging the routine that I've loved and adored for the past year, one of the most important years in my growth as a person, and it was scary, until I figured out that it's okay.

    All of this is okay. And even if I had to have someone (or two someones) tell me that it is, my head feels a lot less foggy than it did last week when I thought all of ::this:: was a problem that needed to be solved.

    Thanks for being here!

  • http://sydneyowen.com Sydney Owen

    I have to disagree, Matt. There are some people on this planet that live for work and that is how they define themselves. Is it for me? Turns out, not so much. I want more than that. But I think there is a difference between defining yourself by your work and letting your work define you. It's all semantics, sure, but defining yourself by your work could be closely tied to taking great pride in the things you do. In that case, then yes, I define myself by the great work that I do. As well as the jumping out of planes thing.

    On the flip side, letting your work define you has disaster written all over it. I think when worded that way (and if that's how you approach it) then you are setting yourself up for burn out. And nobody wants to burn out.

    I still feel super jazzed about the social/digital/emerging media/comms space. I still take great pride in the work that I've done since I started here. But, I'm finding out that as I discover life beyond these four walls (and up around 14,500 feet) and it's shaping me to be a different person. And now, it's fun. Last week that was scary. But now, I'm okay with this changing stuff that's happening, and to be completely honest, I can't wait to see where it takes me!

    Thanks for being here!

  • http://sydneyowen.com Sydney Owen

    Love. Love. Love. Really, that's all I got. Thanks for being here – and great thoughts about just “being.”

  • http://www.lifewithoutpants.com Matt Cheuvront

    I agree with your disagreement (if that makes any sense). Taking great pride in what you do and defining yourself by your work is different, as you said, from letting your work define you – sort of loose semantics but I completely get what you're saying.

    However, life, in general, is about MUCH more than work, at least for me, and I think it is for everyone. Extremely important, yes. But love doesn't love you back…so it's a different kind of passion.

    All of these transitions all of us are going through are scary as hell, but extremely exciting. I wouldn't have it any other way. Cheers!

  • Angela Ten Clay

    Great post, Sydney! I agree with Megan. Always a job to read about your passion for life and to see your new passions develop. Excited to continue on the journey with you! Keep developing yourself, and keep be that strong, all-star woman that I know you are. You rock, girl.

  • http://blogs.dix-eaton.com/measurementpr-spectives/ Chuck Hemann

    Great stuff, Sydney. We all know you have great things ahead regardless of the path you choose. My inclination is to say that you are a supremely talented PR/social professional and that should be where you ultimately land (like the pun?), but if that doesn't fulfill the professional side of Sydney then explore other things! It sounds like you are already starting to do that, which is great.

  • http://www.smallhandsbigideas.com Grace Boyle

    Yessss, please :)

  • http://twitter.com/TomOKeefe1 Tom O'Keefe

    Awesome, awesome post, Sydney. I can totally identify with you, here. I kind of had the same thought process recently in my job search. What do I REALLY care about? I was set before this year: college overachiever, PR internships, social media presence, year of service experience. It was all culminating to one thing: a job in PR or social media. It was all pretty assumed. Then, in the middle of the year of service, a job opened up at the high school where I work. It's a communications/customer service type of role, but there's little writing and certainly no social media involved.

    It rocked my world that I may not go into PR/social media (that's when the eleventy-billion thoughts raced through my head- What about all I've learned before this!?), but I went on a silent retreat, blocked out outer influences, cleared my head, prayed about it and talked about it with a spiritual director who I had never met, and I realized that I was passionate about the kids I was working with and the mission of the school (get underprivileged kids a college prep education). I went for the job and I got it, and I couldn't be happier with the decision.

    Thanks for a great post, Sydney. I always enjoy how candid you are with this stuff!

  • http://marianlibrarian.com Marian Schembari

    God, I am so obsessed with this post. I LOVE what mentor #1 said. One of my mentors likes to talk a lot about being “multi-passionate” and every time she brings it up it helps me relax into my own stuff. I mean, I love the whole social media thing, but sometimes I want to bake a cake. Or go out side and pretend I'm a photographer. Or just sit and listen to music. And none of this in a relaxing kind of way, but someday I want to open up a bakery slash art studio slash music venue. And travel. And skydive ;-) My point is that we're *allowed* to do all the things that make us happy. It's this idea that we need to choose one that always gets me down. I just need to keep reminding myself that's okay – hence, thanks for this post :-P

  • http://sydneyowen.com Sydney Owen

    I'm a sucker for puns, more than you know! I like “supremely talented” – thank you for the compliment – how much do I owe you? :)

    So back to skydiving… Even if I land on my face… well, let's hope I don't land on my face (but in the event that I'm coming down too fast, I do know how to roll out of it and get back up – so there's that). Exploring the skydiving world has been a blasty-blast so far – recharging me with new views on the world, giving me an outlet and introducing me to a new breed of people that I haven't been exposed to before.

    Nice seein' you 'round these parts. Thanks for being here!

  • http://sydneyowen.com Sydney Owen

    Totally crazy! I love hearing other stories – makes the brain slow down a bit. Glad you have developed a process too (blocking out others, etc) to get your head clear. At the end of the day, life is what you make it, so make it good!

    Thanks for being here!

  • http://sydneyowen.com Sydney Owen

    I love the emphasis on allowing ourselves to explore this stuff and do what makes us happy. How can I continue to bring fresh ideas to my job that I love if I pigeon-hole myself? Sure, a lot of my ideas at brainstorms recently have had to do with partnerships with skydivers, but hey, it's something new and fresh. That's what keeps our teams rockin'. That's what keeps everybody on their toes. That's what makes us the best of the best.

    I have colleagues that have been to culinary school. You can bet your buns they are incredibly valuable to our food clients… one example, but you see where I'm going.

    I am so obsessed with your comment. :) Thanks for being here!

  • http://doniree.com/ doniree

    Oh, I LOVE this. I love how you wrapped this up, and you obviously know how much I'm with you on so many points. I think yoga is my skydiving. It's where I can't multi-task, can't make lists, and just AM.

    That's what clears my head :) That and keeping you on GChat speeddial.

  • http://twitter.com/StephanieFlo Stephanie Florence

    I'm so happy I came across your post because I am definitely on the same page! Still in my first year of PR, I often ask, will those “eleventy billion racing thoughts” ever go away? I'm fairly confident the answer is no, and what I'm realizing is that I'm okay with it. Who wants to be bored anyway? I've found starting out in the world of blogging has been a place to work through these thoughts. There are countless ways to connect with people through writing who are experiencing the same feeling (evident from the comments shared here). I'm looking forward to all the ways I can learn about figuring my head out.

    And as for skydiving, my mom has promised to jump with me for her birthday. We shook on it so that means a done deal for me. I'll definitely be reading up on your tips in the meantime ; )

  • Dmbosstone

    “Sydney, the gal that is super-jazzed about social/emerging/digital shenanigans and is eager to learn more and teach others.”

    Aw man right now that's kinda where I am with social media- does this mean I'm still in a social media honeymoon? I definitely know I'm in a QLC.

    Not exactly sure but it's interesting to see your view as someone a little bit down the road.

  • http://twitter.com/Heligonix Heligonix

    You know, PR and skydiving have a lot in common. Both are about taking risks, enjoying yourself and doing what you love. I think it's about balancing the areas in your life to complement one another more than choosing one passion over the other. Learning about yourself and opening yourself up to learn about others is also part of the growing pains associated with life choices. It's difficult to put yourself out in the open, not knowing whether a bird will hit you or someone will call you out for saying or doing the wrong thing. Sounds like you have a good support system in place. Keep doing what you're doing and your life's path will unveil itself.