February 7, 2010

Need vs. Want: Unfiltered.

Nice to see you again. Follow me, @SydneyOwen. Thanks for being here!

In 2008, when I went through the breakup that should have never happened because it never should have been a relationship, I was given a fantastic nugget of wisdom from my first-ever mentor, Sarah.

Now is the time to figure out who you are. Now is the time to figure out what you need from a relationship, as well as what you have to offer in one. You’ve got the rest of your life to spend with someone, but you’ll never find the right person to spend it with (or they’ll never find you) if you don’t know what you need and if you can’t identify what you have to offer when it comes to love.

Sarah’s brilliance was subtle, as it’s taken me quite some time to identify what I need vs. what I want vs. what I have to offer. But I think I’m getting close. Obviously with each crapshoot of a relationship we’re in, we identify things that we don’t want for our future relationships. We identify mistakes we made, bad judgement calls, and circumstances we’d like to avoid in the future.

What do you need? What do you have to offer? How is what you need different from what you want?

  • morganrene
    This is probably the smartest thing I've ever heard. Thanks for sharing, definitely made my day! Tell Sarah she's a genius!!
  • Such great advice - thanks for sharing! I think we are most "raw" after a breakup, which makes for really great self-reflection (and an excuse to self-medicate via beer, shopping, cupcakes, whatever :). Have an awesome week, Sydney - LOVE YOUR FACE!
  • driftingfocus
    This is really an excellent post, and very astute. It's also a question I have found myself asking myself a lot lately. Sometimes I feel like my current boyfriend (of two years) is more in the "need" category, and sometimes I feel he's more in the "want" category. It's really so hard to know, really.
  • Oh boy...those are good questions.

    Want: Natalie Portman.
    Need: Passion and Patience.
    Offering: Me.
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