December 22, 2009

CATSS: Unfiltered.

Nice to see you again. Follow me, @SydneyOwen. Thanks for being here!

Okay, for one, I do know how to spell “cats” and the title of this post is not a typo. The title of this post is an acronym for #completeandtotalshitshow, one of my favorite sayings as of late. That being said, on with it.

I have had some pretty epic days that I’m just sure that somebody’s camera crew would be interested in documenting. I don’t watch TV really because I choose to live my life as a sitcom from time to time, and it’s hard to keep up with my own storyline, let alone anything more complicated than Glee or Grey’s Anatomy. So with that being said, yesterday was nothing short of production-worthy.

First of all, my post yesterday could be the most ADD thing I’ve ever created. I’ve been saying recently that my blog is where I dump all of my thoughts that are important to me at the time – and yesterday’s post was a perfect reflection of how SCATTERBRAINED life was in the last 48 hours.

Where did I leave off? Bouncer had left me multiple voicemails and I’m supposed to be ice skating tonight.

Well I got one more voicemail – and ice skating is probably not happening.

WHAT!?!? I know – it’s that crazy over here.

Mondays are nuts in themselves, throw in the holidays, scrambling to get work done before the world shuts down for Christmas, trying to figure out why this grown ass man keeps whining on my voicemail and trying to decipher how “I haven’t been completely honest with you, but I haven’t lied either” could be a good thing, and you’ve got a CATSS (remember what that stands for? Good, you listen).

One more voicemail – this one 1:19 long – he was having a conversation with my recorded self. He was talking about how he didn’t understand why me and The Saint (the guy that’s supposed to take me ice skating looks like a Saints football player, hence, the Saint) were spending so much time talking last night while I was there with him. He didn’t understand why I just left and didn’t want to party until 4am (um because I have a CAREER that is more important? I don’t know, that MIGHT be why) and how he was planning on staying at my house.

REWIND. ::rewinding noise:: He was planning on staying AT MY HOUSE.

This, coming from the guy who asked me out via text, communicated with me ONCE before the party on Sunday (also via text) and then brought me to a party where he continued to not talk to me and I was sitting there all by myself in a room full of people I didn’t know.

I mean, I’m a nice chick – I’ve let many-a-people crash on my couch (I don’t even have one now, so that was pre-Chicago) and I’ve crashed on several in my day. But I KNEW those people. I didn’t just let some stranger who’s sent me four text messages come into my home. Sorry – that’s not how I roll.

AND THEN he has the audacity to say “I know I asked you out via text or whatever, but I’d really like some normal communication.”

So I texted him, apologized for leaving abruptly and to not stress out about the Saint hitting on me, that the Saint saw that I was ALL BY MY AWESOME SELF and was being friendly.

Sydney: 1. Bouncer: -3.

So the other part of this shenanigans – the Saint is texting me how it was nice to meet me and he’s glad I came out last night, blah blah blah. I ask him if he’s still down to play tour guide and then WHAM – out of nowhere, the guy is talking about how he wants to see me in person he can be honest with me because he doesn’t want there to be room for BS in the future. And that he’d call me later to iron out details of the ice-skating date so we could really chat. That his situation is “complicated”. But “not that bad, depending on how you look at it.” And that he wants to “look me in the eyes so I know he’s real.” RED FLAG – RED FLAG! MAYDAY! MAYDAY! ABORT ICE SKATING MISSION!

I say: “what’s the deal? Married? In a relationship? Unhappy? Kids?”

And he says: “I don’t want to tell you bc I’m afraid you’ll think I’m a douche.”

TOO LATE.

Seriously – I love my life. I say this because old-Sydney would have been SO PISSED OFF and then been okay with the fact that this guy’s a dirtbag. Here is how I would have rationalized this: “Oh, well, at least he’s honest enough to be honest now, I mean, that’s gotta say something. And it’s not MY FAULT he’s in an unhappy relationship. He’s SO GREAT for being up front about it now, even if he wasn’t at first.” And cue downward spiral.

New-Sydney said “Thanks, but complicated isn’t my scene. And if you’re in a relationship, or married, or any of the above, then us going ice skating isn’t appropriate. And you know that.”

Am I curious to know exactly whats up? Yes. Of course I am. It will make this story have a glorious ending. But have I grown up since the last guy that I seriously dated that forgot to mention he was married until three months into the relationship? Yes. Not going down that road again.

So, my friends, I may not know how that story ended. But I’m okay with that.

So what’s next, you ask?

I don’t know, maybe the could-be-doctor that rides my bus and works in my building that I ride in the elevator with every day. Hmm. That could turn into my own Grey’s Anatomy.

My question to you all is this: if you’ve gone down the path of meeting someone, they’re not who they claim to be, but they REALLY want to show you that they aren’t a scumbag, do you let them try to show you? Or do you let it go? I’m voting let it go – but I’m open to your opinions.

  • You have great instincts/intuition that will handle all these decisions for you. If something feels weird it's because it is. Good call on letting it go.
  • Awww, isn't that cute: Sydney has a troll ! Now be sure to feed it honey or it will die. They don't have very big brains and need your loving care and attention. Are you getting a Chia pet too?
  • Damn everyone123 sounded more like a coworker of Sydney's who isn't a big fan, and is calling her out for either lack of productivity or lack of being taken seriously by her coworkers. That is some vicious stuff.

    I was waiting for the comment by your Mom where she was like "I'm proud of you! Good work!" for skipping that guy with the drama, but instead she just said "Your life's a CATSS, sure is fun to watch!" Hahaha that slayed me, awesome work Mom Owen
  • My dating life is a whole battery of crazy, but really nothing like yours. I am one person that it doesn't happen to so I love reading the stories about your shenanigans. Especially because the way that you relay them (short of slightly-overhyper ADD ones) is conversational and real. I feel like I could be grabbing a pint with you somewhere listening to you tell the whole story!

    That being said, and I am SO not a proponent of this in my own life BUT I know because my commitmentphobia causes 3/4 of the CATSS experiences in my own life, that I would urge you at least hear this guys "complicated" issues with a grain of salt. Granted, it should probably be a pretty hefty grain of salt, but one nonetheless. Cause complicated might be "I have ferrets and you said you hated rodents" or "I wanted to impress you so I perhaps over-emphasized my importance at my job." Or it could be "I'm married" or "I have a secret life as an ax murderer" in which case the grain of salt should be used as a defense mechanism. :)
  • Let it go! I'm just as curious to find out his story but this much drama and you haven't even had a first date, spells trouble. Don't waste your time on something that is sure to cause heartache, you'll miss out on the great things that are sure to come your way.
  • I am thinking if you already saw the RED FLAGS then it is better to run as fast as you can. Never rationalize for them. It is not worth it. I am so guilty of doing it. Even if it wasn't relationship material to begin with or even dating material. If there are HUGE RED FLAGS under the spotlight you should bail. Save your time and effort.

    This is what I am trying to learn to do for 2010 since I failed this year. Short term fixes do not solve long term problems. This I am learning for my love life and for career wise. Undatable guys are fun for awhile but they are not the answer to love's questions. They might satisfy your thirst for a short time but in the end they are like alcohol. You drink and drink but you are happy for a short time (buzz) but in the end you wind up with a hangover because instead of drinking something which was hydrating (water) you wound up getting drunk and never solved the problem of being dehydrated.
  • Syd,

    I actually read this on Facebook (cross-platform posting ftw) and had to comment.

    First, your life is kiiiind of ridiculous. In an awesome, unpredictable, reality tv series kind of way. Part of me is jealous of this life.

    Second, where are you meeting these guys? lol.

    Third, I think there's this notion today that any guy or girl who shows genuine interest in a person HAS to be interested in sleeping with them. It seems there's so many ways to be 'creepy' nowadays, when really, people are just interested in learning more about a person or are interested in their happiness or success. It sucks that to some people, you'd have to 'explain' that you're not a creepjob, do have a significant other and are just interested in their background or unique angle on life. (Can you tell I've run into this problem?)
  • Kat
    Due to my curiosity, I probably would have at least gone out for coffee or something neutral with him to find out what the situation actually was, but my guard (and healthy dose of skepticism) definitely would have been up.

    Something sort of similar did happen to me once; someone I had gone out with 3 or 4 times finally revealed, all cute and innocent-like, that he sort of had a girlfriend still. I gave him a tiny chance after that, the benefit of the doubt if they were actually "in the process of breaking up", but after that point it was just awkward and the fun was gone anyway. I wasn't crazy about the fact that he had this whole scheme going on, even if he was finally coming clean. (sorry, i rambled)
  • snowflake
    Ever read this: http://lindsayeholt2.blogspot.com/

    Yeah, like everyone123 said, this stuff happens to everyone. Only some of us are self-absorbed enough to think the rest of us want to read it.

    Then again, here I am reading this junk.
  • Gotta admit it, I fed the troll and went to the blog referenced by snowflake. Single girl in big city, but not compelling me to go back. Sydney, I love your sense of humor about the SNAFUs in your life. I am old and don't always get your acronyms (FTW) but SNAFU in case it is too old school, Situation Normal All Fucked Up's. LOVE YOU, MEAN IT!
  • emilyjasper
    I have to say, I feel like I've been there. People who want to get you all invested in something, then drop a ton of baggage or some bomb that you would have run far away from had you known. And this doesn't just happen in dating, this happens all the time. You volunteer for a committee, find out you could have just put a price on your own head; magic loopholes that you didn't see in the fine print for a service; and you get my point.

    Best of luck to you, it sounds like you're handling things pretty well considering. I'm glad you're getting out there, that's really brave.
  • You just have to trust your instincts. And there are some basics that kind of blow me away when people overlook them:

    - If you don't know someone, they shouldn't have to defend their behavior to you. Anyone who defends themselves to strangers has a self-confidence issue.

    - Dirty laundry: it gets washed when people care about one another. Not beforehand.

    - The "You're Awesome I Think" factor: if someone tells you that you're incredible before they have any conceivable chance of having formed a realistic opinion on the subject, they're projecting. The person who's ready to love you will let you prove that you're awesome to them, and they'll settle for nothing less.

    - Urgency in sales; grace in love: There's no rush. Men seem to think love's about selling (so do some women); but it's about finding a graceful coexistence with someone. Grace isn't about being slow or lazy, and it's not about one person. It's about a rhythm, and it includes attention and letting someone know you're interested. But it's also about doing that in a way that's respectful, considerate, and calm.

    - Jealousy is for mutual relationships. In small doses.

    Honestly though; what do I know...really. I'm like the Observer in Fringe (holy nerd show mention).
  • Ha fantastically obscure reference, well done
  • EDGE OF MY SEAT! I want to know what happens next! But I have got to commend you for coming right out and telling him that complicated isn't your scene. NICELY done.
  • everyone123
    Get a life. This stuff happens to everyone. You are not special or unique. How about working instead of blogging all day? I bet it would help your Weber coworkers to not roll their eyes whenever the name Sydney Owen comes up at PRSA functions. Grow up, little girl.
  • Hi everyone123 (I wish you had posted your name so I could address you properly, but I digress). The entire purpose of this blog has shifted since it originally started. I started out in this social scene by writing about PR & New Media and quickly realized that I had a lot to learn, not a lot to report on the topic. So when I relaunched in October with the new format - I opened up the span to include anything in my life that relates to my personal and professional growth as I start this new chapter of my life.

    I wouldn't go so far as to say "if you don't like it, don't read it" like jcrowley (though I appreciate the kind words) but I definitely encourage you, "snowflake" or anyone else who believes that I present myself in a manner that is self-absorbed to continue to read here. And to read past posts. I think doing so will help you see that I'm in fact, not self-absorbed at all.

    I'm here to learn, and excited to do so. I continue to write here for the community that has started to form - a bunch of 20-somethings (for the most part) who are experiencing the same journey that I am. I am inexperienced - and I'm working on that. Every day I work on that. I think my colleagues here can attest that I am very eager to learn about the industry and "life after college" in general.

    Thanks for being here. Though your words are harsh, they've definitely opened up the doors for reflection - and to that, I can say nothing but thank you.
  • jcrowley
    Somewhat harsh there - if you don't like it, don't read it....right? After reading Sydney's posts, this seems like the type of comment that would really hurt her feelings. I for one am impressed with this energetic young woman and her courage she's showing by taking on the big city! Go Syd!
  • TQ
    I really hope "everyone123" isn't "The Bouncer."

    This blog was just forwarded to me from a friend yesterday, and I hope you continue processing out your inner monologue for our enjoyment. (I also need to see the perspective from the other side of the table)
  • I always operate under the assumption that if they have to PROVE they're not a skeezball- they're hiding something, and DEFINITELY aren't worth the time to hear them out. As far as the jealous voicemails go... RUN! FAR AWAY! (Total dealbreaker for me.)

    Not that I'm thrilled this shady activity is happening to you- but I'm glad I'm not the only one who's life is a CATTS regularly.

    Let us know how it turns out! :)
  • Amy
    Say goodbye to that drama! I'm totally curious as to what makes him sucha douche, but yeah- let that guy go.
  • Can anyone's life be a CATSS? Yes indeed and it is so fun to watch/read and ponder. Love you Syd!
  • kschutrop
    This has been a completely entertaining post! Two sketch-balls in two days?! That is crazy. I think you're definitely doing the right thing by cutting it off now. You know what you want (or what you DON'T want) so there's probably no use in pursuing Mystery Man any further. Although, I'm super curious what his deep-dark-douchebag-secret is now...maybe he's an outlaw? Or has not one, but six wives? Or maybe he likes boys too and there is some tangled relationship between him and the Bouncer which is why you got so many jealous voicemails? The possibilities are endless! Bottom line, if he's admitting up front that he's bad news then I wouldn't even bother. Please keep us in the loop about any further texts you might receive though...solid gold entertainment! :)
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