Nice to see you again. Follow me, @SydneyOwen. Thanks for being here!
I’d like to start out by saying I have a date tomorrow. And it’s not with Bouncer.
How is that possible, you ask? Right, because I am chock-full of TOTALBADASSERY.
No but really, I am. Wait – that doesn’t even answer the question. But it kind of does.
I told you last week I was going to the Christmas party at Bouncer’s bar. Where all of the employees would be. And NOBODY ELSE WHO DIDNT WORK THERE. He forgot to mention that part. I imagine that conversation may have gone a bit differently:
Bouncer: “Hey, do you want to come to a Christmas party where you’ll know absolutely nobody and it’s going to be really, really awkward?”
Me: “omg yes, please. Sign me up.” NOT.
So here I am, pretending to enjoy hockey so I don’t look all antisocial on my phone, texting my best friend the play-by-play. Not the best way to start out, but whatever. Everyone starts to show up, I get placed on a team for Jeopardy – with fun topics such as “know your staff” (I don’t) and “know your manager” (I don’t). You can imagine the RIP ROARING GOOD TIME I’m having, right?
As the night progresses, Bouncer actually still has to play bouncer and keep everyone in line. Never stops. I try to relate to that, how I’m always networking, and how I’m never disconnected. I try to make some semblance of a connection. Not happening. I find out that Bouncer does personal security during the day (read: bodyguard) and likes to talk about how much he gets paid for each gig. I can’t fault him for that, because I talk about money ALL THE TIME and what I would do with a million dollars (I’d build a rollercoaster, BTW). And he’s a smoker. Deal breaker. Oh. And did I mention that he never ONCE asked me about anything related to me? I didn’t? Well, he didn’t. Not once. Not an inkling of interest in what I do besides wear Moose pants and enjoy the occasional over-indulgence in vodka. Or beer. Or both (headache).
While Bouncer is playing bouncer, I’m sitting all by my beautiful lonesome surrounded by people who work together, live together, etc, when this BEAUTIFUL man swoops in and is all asking about me and where I’m from and all the things that YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO DO ON A FIRST DATE (or hell, when you first meet someone? lets be serious).
He asked how long Bouncer and I have been together. WHOA WHOA WHOA WAIT. I tell him I met Bouncer last week. This is our “first date”. Nobody has called dibs or anything. Conversation continues.
Long story short – I tell him that I’m not from here. He told me it gets cold here, as EVERYONE AND THEIR MOM does when I say I’m not from here. He asked about my favorite part about Chicago and I told him the architecture tour, but to be honest, IDK because I moved here on a Saturday and went straight to work on Monday, so it’s not like I moved here and had months to explore.
He’s taking me ice skating at Wrigley tomorrow. I think this calls for a happy dance. One – because anyone that’s willing to take me ice skating is in for quite the show (I’ve never done it before) and two, I scored a date with a hottie at a party where I knew NOBODY. A party that had TOTALLY AWKWARD written all over it. A party where I figured there would be two outcomes, both ending in #completeandtotalshitshow. Option A: I’m the life of the party and everyone thinks I’m super-awesome – so I end up dancing on the bar, or something. Or Option B: I feel totally awkward and try to be social and wonderful so I can then become life of the party and end up dancing on the bar which I’ve never done but have always wanted to just to say I did – I’m adding it to my life list, but everyone’s laughing at me, not with me and OMG I FORGOT TO PUNCTUATE.
I’ll have you know I went with Option C (one that I created on the fly): Owner of bar is at party. I’m with a manager. I need to keep it classy (you know, because I don’t want to reflect poorly on Bouncer’s judgment). So I’ll pay more attention to my date’s friend than my original date and wake up to two missed calls and two voicemails (with two minutes between calls) that say the EXACT SAME THING.
Also? This whole scene wouldn’t have been possible if I was in a serious relationship. So all of those posts about me wanting a boyfriend? They can wait. I’m totally LOVING what’s going on right now.
Tankboy – you were right. Arm candy. BUT IT WAS SO FUN.
Disclaimer: this post is SO ADD, sorry if you’re having trouble following.
So, when life gives you lemons – do you make lemonade? Have you ever been stuck in a really awkward situation and then decided “oh to hell with it” and turned it around for the better?