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Being Direct: Unfiltered

December 15th, 2009 | 28 comments | Skydiving

Saturday was TBOX – aka Twelve Bars of Christmas. They claim to be the largest pub crawl in the world, and since I was a TBOX Virgin, and haven’t previously crawled the pubs, I’m gonna go with it. Whether or not that is entirely accurate is not up to me.

So I was a bar host at Red Ivy on Saturday, which basically meant, I hand out stickers to drunk people whilst drinking for free. It was glorious. I made friends with the bouncer, because let’s be serious – who doesn’t want to be friends with a bouncer at a popular bar? So Bouncer and I, we kinda hit it off. And the best part is – I was wearing my Moose Pants ensemble (yes I’m capitalizing that) and he still thought I was remotely attractive. So there’s that.

He gave me his number Saturday, I texted him, per his instructions, so he’d have it. He texted me last night:

Bouncer: “Hey it’s Bouncer (obviously he’s got a name, but for the sake of anonymity), are you dating anyone? Would you like to hang out?”

Me (after 9 minutes of deliberation with Lauren on what to say): “Nope, not dating anyone. What and when were you thinking?”

Bouncer: “I’m thinking I like you and I’m interested. Want to come to our xmas party on Sunday at 8pm?”

We continue to make plans and he’s picking me up at 7:30 on Sunday. I get to dress up. Like a big girl. Not like an idiot in pajama pants.

So backstory, I’m a little skeptical about all of this because, one, I previously described what a shit show holiday parties are with service industry folks. Two, he’s a bouncer. Now, I’m not a judgmental person by any means, but part of me is superficial and thinks I should be dating doctors, not bouncers. Then I remember, “hey, self, you were a bartender once, and people didn’t not date you because you were a bartender”. So there’s that.

Am I arm candy for a holiday party? Possibly. Last minute-ish – but to me, WAAAAAY in advance. He asked me out on a Monday for a SUNDAY DATE. That’s so far in advance I could stick a fork in my eyeballs because chances are there is something awesome that I want to do on Sunday and don’t know about it yet.

So it’s a social experiment. How will I fit in with this crowd? How well will he take to the news that one, I’m going home by midnight (I HAVE A JOOOOB YOU KNOW) and two, I’m not going home with him? How will people react to him bringing some girl nobody knows to the holiday party? How much Guinness will I have to consume to be sure that I’m not uncomfortable at this shindig?

Or maybe, I should stop focusing on the outcome and focusing on more important things like OMG MY DATING LIFE IS NOT TOTALLY DEAD AND HOLY COW THIS GUY TOLD ME HE LIKES ME WITHOUT ROOM FOR OVERANALYZING?!?!

So, being direct… all it’s cracked up to be? Should I be leery? What should I wear?

This oughta be interesting.

  • http://samanthamccain.wordpress.com Samantha McCain

    Oh goodness!

    My preferred way of interaction is through being direct. When I left for my internship in DC two summers ago, I told my boyfriend “I like letters, here is my address.” We were only getting to know each other then. He said he liked that I told him what I wanted and/or what I expected… It's a lot easier than playing games.

    So my answer is this: Bouncer saw you in Moose Pants. And still asked you out. Through his direct-ness, you now know he likes you and/or is interested in the possibility. That's not an every-day thing when it comes to guys. He's allowed you no room to over-analyze, so don't! Have fun with it, but always set boundaries. You have a few and it's good that you have already identified them. That is your safety net.

    Have fun and enjoy it! If anything, you can hang out in an atmosphere in which you are already familiar. Good luck!

  • http://doniree.com doniree

    The guy I'm dating (WHOA THAT SOUNDS WEIRD) has been nothing but up front about his feelings about me and while it was kind of overwhelming at first (I was all, “REALLY!? ME?! THIS SHITSHOW?! REALLY?!!?!” and he was like “Um, yes? Seriously your crazy is cute.” and I was all “Give me a sec to digest that.”), I have to say I'm fan now because like you said, it takes the over-analysis out. And as it turns out, when you're not overanalyzing, you're actually spending some pretty good time getting to know each other and learning to trust someone again. It's wild. Also? I totally relate to this:

    “That’s so far in advance I could stick a fork in my eyeballs because chances are there is something awesome that I want to do on Sunday and don’t know about it yet.”

    Like, sometimes plans that far in advance make my eyelashes hurt.

  • http://sydneyowen.com Sydney Owen

    So I had this totally awesome comment all written out and then my browser died. AAGGHH.

    I like not analyzing the conversation – not wondering if he's interested, because clearly, he is. Now I'm all caught up on the event. And what it means that he invited me to this event. And how I'll be perceived at said event. “She's with the bouncer, oooh she's a hussy”? Or maybe “oooh, Bouncer never brings girls to these events, they must be serious” (which we're not)?

    I love the possibilities here, because there is no mistaking what is happening on Sunday. I wooed him, somehow, on Saturday. He asked me out. We're doing this. It's a date. No grey areas. HOLYCOWTHATSFREAKINGWEIRD.

  • http://doniree.com doniree

    Is this what being an adult is supposed to be like? Hrmm… HMMMMM….

  • http://sydneyowen.com Sydney Owen

    If it is – it's SO EASY! Wow! :)

  • http://doniree.com doniree

    Something about that “so easy” part makes me think we're missing something,
    ha.

  • http://fiwk.blogspot.com/ Royce

    Are you paraphrasing this guy, or did he actually say (text) the phrase “I'm thinking I like you and I'm interested”? I mean, not that there's anything wrong with that. It just strikes me as an oddly blunt way of addressing someone via text.

    Also, after the second time you ended a paragraph with “So there's that.” I was really hoping to see it appear a third time. I was excited for the running joke. And then you didn't follow through! Missed humor opportunity, Owen! D'oh

  • http://twitter.com/lisarowen Lisa Owen

    Sydney, arm candy? I think arm candy just looks good. You obviously look good, but you also have a brain and opinions and a sense of humor and for goodness sake he spent all day Saturday watching you be you. (on beer and cereal) And did I mention that you are hilarious? Arm candy? PUH-Leez. Have I told you lately that you are awesome? Because its my job. And you are. Awesomesauce is so last week but I am your mom so I can say it.

  • http://colbywg.com Colby Gergen

    Ha. It's hard to snicker in type, but I just snickered. Why? Because, as you said, Monday to Sunday is a long time (basically an eternity). Not only is it a long time for you to FREAK OUT over all of this social experimenting potential (and come up with a killer big girl outfit). This is a lot of time in Internet days (coin it).

    What am I getting at? I've got $10 on Bouncer finding this blog post by Sunday. And THAT is going to be really really funny.

  • http://sydneyowen.com Sydney Owen

    LOL Bouncer isn't even on Facebook. If he finds this, he's doing his research. And to that I say, KUDOS!

  • http://fiwk.blogspot.com/ Royce

    Real-time self-response – I just saw on Nicole's blog that you used “So there's that” to end one of your comments there also. Can you please make that statement your trademark?

  • http://sydneyowen.com Sydney Owen

    ROFL okay. Add it to the list – right under completeandtotalshitshow, love your face, and omgwtfbbq.

    Awesomesauce.

    So, there's that.

  • http://www.tankboyprime.blogspot.com Tankboy

    Um, you've worked in bars, but it was a college bar, so it wasn't really a career choice.
    I've worked in bars for years with people whose career is inthe service industry … and they just can't date civilians. I know couldn't. The hours are just too different, the mindset is just too different, it's just a whole 'nother insular world.

    So are you arm candy to a holiday party? Probably. Long term prospect? Probably not? Should you just say what the hell and have fun with the whole thing no matter what? Absolutely.

  • http://sydneyowen.com Sydney Owen

    And that's the way I like it.

    You're so right. When you're a bartender, everyone else is a “civilian” and it definitely doesn't work out.

    For the record – it wasn't a college bar. It was a steakhouse. And I was SWIMMING in old men with lots of dough. So there's that. (cue Royce to come in with a comment)

  • http://www.tankboyprime.blogspot.com Tankboy

    Oh, old man steakhouse? Then you totally have the skills to chart Chicago's own Viagra Triangle!

  • mikesietecinco

    “Now, I’m not a judgmental person by any means, but part of me is superficial and thinks I should be dating doctors, not bouncers.” -This is a funny line :)

    I'm kinda shocked he went with the “I like you and I'm interested”. It's direct for sure and it also sets up natural expectations in you that he has to be willing to meet.

    as to your part, nothing to be leery about unless you are looking past this one night. Enjoy, be open and see what happens… and then tell us everything :)

  • http://sydneyowen.com Sydney Owen

    Even if his line is a ploy to get me to go to the holiday party, done deal.

    And you KNOW I'll tell you everything. Half of the reason I accepted was to have something fun to write about. This is definitely fun!

  • http://sydneyowen.com Sydney Owen

    and, in all reality – I probably wouldn't enjoy dating a doctor anyway. I'd probably get all sad on myself for not finishing my degree in Bio and trying to go to Med school. Then I'd remember that I DESPISE math and science and then I'd get over it.

    I mean, unless it was McDreamy from Grey's Anatomy – then there is no sadness. Only happiness. Extreme, ridiculous, OMGYOUARESOEFFINGHOT happiness.

    That's all.

  • http://www.lifeaftercollege.org jennyblake

    I LOVE IT! I am SUCH a huge fan of the direct “I like you. Let's hang out” approach – he gets major man points for that! And you get major points for being open and saying YES – even though you have no clue how the night is going to go.

    On that note, looking forward to some Holiday Party: Unfiltered deets to follow!

  • http://fiwk.blogspot.com/ Royce

    (scribbling a note on my clipboard)

    We have decided (and by we I mean the crew at FIWK – http://fiwk.blogspot.com) that your use of “So there's that” is an offshoot of the “So I've got that going for me” Dalai Lama speech by Bill Murray in Caddyshack:

    http://www.spike.com/video/bill-murray-dalai/24…

  • chregan

    Hope you have a great time, Sydney.

  • http://sydneyowen.com Sydney Owen

    Oh and to answer your question – that was what he said (texted) word-for-word.

  • http://sydneyowen.com Sydney Owen

    That's exactly how it's said, same tone, same everything…

    “alkiej laiealkfjf oelajf (INSERT IMPORTANT THINGS HERE) akdfjf akleif… so there's that”

  • http://sydneyowen.com Sydney Owen

    There's two ways it can go, and they pretty much end the same:

    1. its awkward, then turns into a completeandtotalshitshow because we all drink so it's not awkward anymore.

    2. I'm the life of the party – which, will in turn, turn into a completeandtotalshitshow.

    Awesome. Can't wait.

  • jessica

    Gotta watch out who you date cuz u never know who you will fall in love with ;)

  • Kat_ksk

    Exciting! Good luck
    One of the only date tips I've ever found remotely helpful — “don't waste your time worrying if he likes you, use the time to figure out if YOU like HIM.”

  • jessica

    Gotta watch out who you date cuz u never know who you will fall in love with ;)

  • http://unfetteredyouth.wordpress.com Kat_ksk

    Exciting! Good luck
    One of the only date tips I've ever found remotely helpful — “don't waste your time worrying if he likes you, use the time to figure out if YOU like HIM.”