I’ve gotten kinda ballsy in the last couple weeks, not gonna lie. I’ve been writing about stuff that matters to me, going out on a couple little excursions for drinks as a result of a blog post, and just really letting it rip on the writing. That’s my soul you see here. You’re welcome.
Last night, I got some exciting news that I wanted to share with someone that I know would fully understand the nerdy version of cloud nine that I was quickly progressing to. So I invited Mr. This-Guy-Totally-Gets-Me-And-Won’t-Be-Embarrassed-When-I-Squeal-Like-The-Total-Nerd-That-I-Am for a couple beers after work (and that just took me like three minutes to type – I need to break up with the hyphen, it’s taking over my life).
I was provided with a list of reasons why he couldn’t come. He forgot to mention that I only gave him like an hour’s notice for this rendezvous – which if he had actually said that, I wouldn’t have gone into an overanalyzing-every-reason-and-comparing-it-to-the-book-about-how-he’s-not-into-me oblivion.
Were the reasons legit? Probably. In fact, I’m going to go out on a limb here and say, yes, they were. How does that saying go? Fool me once, shame on you… Anyway, that saying doesn’t really apply here but for a split second I thought it did. Now on with it.
So my moment, yes. I’m all about giving the benefit of the doubt in these situations but then society (read: Greg Berehndt) tells me that his reasons (which Greg likes to call excuses) mean that “he’s just not that into me” that he would grab a beer with me after work if he liked me, regardless of what he had going on at home.
I want to call Greg’s bluff and punch him in the face, but I also want to hide behind the simplicity of the “he’s just not that into you” school of thought. It’s so easy to assume he’s not that into you and to move on. It’s “empowering” to know that if someone gives you a laundry list of reasons why they can’t meet you on such short notice, that you can chalk it up to him not being into you.
I think I’ve missed out on a lot of opportunities for something great because I used to swear up and down by this philosophy. I think I might have tossed aside some good potential love interests because of one missed step that fell under the “he’s just not that into me” category.
But what if he IS into you? What if you are all about Greg’s mantra that if he’s not trying to sleep with you, then he’s not into you, and you miss out on someone because they might have ACTUALLY BEEN BUSY? Or, maybe he feels the EXACT SAME WAY AS YOU DO but for one reason or another, isn’t in a place to pursue those feelings?
That’s a whole different kind of animal, when you know you both feel the same way but there isn’t room to pursue or there isn’t a point in pursuing it. I was damn near head over heels for my best friend in Tampa before I moved but the timing was SO SHITTY. I had just found out that I was moving to Chicago in four months and I didn’t want to start a relationship before I left. His reasoning was that we should enjoy the time we had together, mine was that my heart couldn’t go through four fantastic months before moving day and then turn off all emotion when I got to Chicago. Do I regret not pursuing it? Perhaps I’ll never know. Do I think twice about hesitating now? Obviously.
How do you decode all of this communication? Especially now that we have so many ways to communicate? Where are the lines? Are there lines? Are we all supposed to pursue people until they think we’re batshit crazy and get a restraining order or when is enough, enough? When do you stop trying? Do you try? Or do you just sit around and wait for them to come to you?
Oh yeah, you ask them. Scary? Sure. But try it. It’s pretty sweet. If the guy lashes out and calls you a freak for wanting open communication – then he’s not that great of a guy to begin with. If, ::gasp:: he responds maturely – maybe you’re doing better on picking winners than you thought, regardless of his answer.
PS – I asked the guy who was busy last night if he’s just not that into me or if he was legit busy. Because I’m an adult. And so is he. And now we’re on the same page.