Comments on: Stand up for yourself… the right way. http://sydneyowen.com/2009/11/06/stand-up-for-yourself-the-right-way/ a raw take on my life as it is: unpredictable, frightening and wildly exciting. Mon, 09 Apr 2012 14:30:00 +0200 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: FlamchopsC http://sydneyowen.com/2009/11/06/stand-up-for-yourself-the-right-way/comment-page-1/#comment-2617 FlamchopsC Sun, 29 Nov 2009 21:44:33 +0000 http://sydneyowen.com/?p=784#comment-2617 I find that I tend to repress any angry feelings that I feel in the moment or at least not give in to them. However, it is not until afterward, when I look back at the situation I think..." you know I should have stood up for myself a little more". I am trying to not be like that because especially being a man it is not healthy and women are not attracted to it. However, that is how I am. Because I never understood why someone would want to make someone feel like shit in the first place. I really don't think I do that to other people at all and if everyone was like me the world would be a better place! I feel like I am beyond ego but at the same time, I think there is a middle ground where I think that by being passive or shy you are actually on the other spectrum of ego where you are in a fear based state rather than in more of an aggressive anxious state.<br><br>The other night for example. I played at a bar. I am a musician. We ended up playing for free in a situation where there were 3 bands and the other two bands somehow made 20 bucks and 30 bucks total. This is really a shit amount of money and we ended up not getting anything. But everyone got 2 free beers. So I drank one beer and then I wanted to get another beer to go but this bartender already opened my beer before I could say anything. So I was like "can I get a beer to go" He was like you can get that one to go. Talking about the one he already opened. This is really a stupid example but I felt like spilling the beer all over the place and telling him to go fuck himself. And I regret not doing that because. He was talking down to me when I just played my ass off for free and two cheap fucking pAbst Beers. This is a retarded example but I would have felt much better about myself If I had stood up for myself because I could tell he was a piece of shit anyway. Thanks for listening. I am interested in hearing what you have to say. I find that I tend to repress any angry feelings that I feel in the moment or at least not give in to them. However, it is not until afterward, when I look back at the situation I think…” you know I should have stood up for myself a little more”. I am trying to not be like that because especially being a man it is not healthy and women are not attracted to it. However, that is how I am. Because I never understood why someone would want to make someone feel like shit in the first place. I really don't think I do that to other people at all and if everyone was like me the world would be a better place! I feel like I am beyond ego but at the same time, I think there is a middle ground where I think that by being passive or shy you are actually on the other spectrum of ego where you are in a fear based state rather than in more of an aggressive anxious state.

The other night for example. I played at a bar. I am a musician. We ended up playing for free in a situation where there were 3 bands and the other two bands somehow made 20 bucks and 30 bucks total. This is really a shit amount of money and we ended up not getting anything. But everyone got 2 free beers. So I drank one beer and then I wanted to get another beer to go but this bartender already opened my beer before I could say anything. So I was like “can I get a beer to go” He was like you can get that one to go. Talking about the one he already opened. This is really a stupid example but I felt like spilling the beer all over the place and telling him to go fuck himself. And I regret not doing that because. He was talking down to me when I just played my ass off for free and two cheap fucking pAbst Beers. This is a retarded example but I would have felt much better about myself If I had stood up for myself because I could tell he was a piece of shit anyway. Thanks for listening. I am interested in hearing what you have to say.

]]> By: FlamchopsC http://sydneyowen.com/2009/11/06/stand-up-for-yourself-the-right-way/comment-page-1/#comment-2324 FlamchopsC Sun, 29 Nov 2009 14:44:33 +0000 http://sydneyowen.com/?p=784#comment-2324 I find that I tend to repress any angry feelings that I feel in the moment or at least not give in to them. However, it is not until afterward, when I look back at the situation I think..." you know I should have stood up for myself a little more". I am trying to not be like that because especially being a man it is not healthy and women are not attracted to it. However, that is how I am. Because I never understood why someone would want to make someone feel like shit in the first place. I really don't think I do that to other people at all and if everyone was like me the world would be a better place! I feel like I am beyond ego but at the same time, I think there is a middle ground where I think that by being passive or shy you are actually on the other spectrum of ego where you are in a fear based state rather than in more of an aggressive anxious state.<br><br>The other night for example. I played at a bar. I am a musician. We ended up playing for free in a situation where there were 3 bands and the other two bands somehow made 20 bucks and 30 bucks total. This is really a shit amount of money and we ended up not getting anything. But everyone got 2 free beers. So I drank one beer and then I wanted to get another beer to go but this bartender already opened my beer before I could say anything. So I was like "can I get a beer to go" He was like you can get that one to go. Talking about the one he already opened. This is really a stupid example but I felt like spilling the beer all over the place and telling him to go fuck himself. And I regret not doing that because. He was talking down to me when I just played my ass off for free and two cheap fucking pAbst Beers. This is a retarded example but I would have felt much better about myself If I had stood up for myself because I could tell he was a piece of shit anyway. Thanks for listening. I am interested in hearing what you have to say. I find that I tend to repress any angry feelings that I feel in the moment or at least not give in to them. However, it is not until afterward, when I look back at the situation I think…” you know I should have stood up for myself a little more”. I am trying to not be like that because especially being a man it is not healthy and women are not attracted to it. However, that is how I am. Because I never understood why someone would want to make someone feel like shit in the first place. I really don't think I do that to other people at all and if everyone was like me the world would be a better place! I feel like I am beyond ego but at the same time, I think there is a middle ground where I think that by being passive or shy you are actually on the other spectrum of ego where you are in a fear based state rather than in more of an aggressive anxious state.

The other night for example. I played at a bar. I am a musician. We ended up playing for free in a situation where there were 3 bands and the other two bands somehow made 20 bucks and 30 bucks total. This is really a shit amount of money and we ended up not getting anything. But everyone got 2 free beers. So I drank one beer and then I wanted to get another beer to go but this bartender already opened my beer before I could say anything. So I was like “can I get a beer to go” He was like you can get that one to go. Talking about the one he already opened. This is really a stupid example but I felt like spilling the beer all over the place and telling him to go fuck himself. And I regret not doing that because. He was talking down to me when I just played my ass off for free and two cheap fucking pAbst Beers. This is a retarded example but I would have felt much better about myself If I had stood up for myself because I could tell he was a piece of shit anyway. Thanks for listening. I am interested in hearing what you have to say.

]]> By: Sydney Owen http://sydneyowen.com/2009/11/06/stand-up-for-yourself-the-right-way/comment-page-1/#comment-2150 Sydney Owen Mon, 09 Nov 2009 14:14:30 +0000 http://sydneyowen.com/?p=784#comment-2150 I think at work - there's a certain understanding for the email communication. Sometimes it's just not feasible to get the team together for a meeting, and the issue is better handled by email.<br><br>It's in my personal life that I have a problem with the emails and text messages to get a problem out in the open. Come on down and talk to me for pete's sake! I don't bite! <br><br>Thanks for being here Kelli! I think at work – there's a certain understanding for the email communication. Sometimes it's just not feasible to get the team together for a meeting, and the issue is better handled by email.

It's in my personal life that I have a problem with the emails and text messages to get a problem out in the open. Come on down and talk to me for pete's sake! I don't bite!

Thanks for being here Kelli!

]]> By: Kelli http://sydneyowen.com/2009/11/06/stand-up-for-yourself-the-right-way/comment-page-1/#comment-2149 Kelli Mon, 09 Nov 2009 13:27:57 +0000 http://sydneyowen.com/?p=784#comment-2149 I'll admit. I can be passive aggressive. I typically avoid conflict at all cost. It's something I'm working on and even though I'm not very good at confrontation, I would prefer to resolve issues face to face because as you said, misunderstandings happen a lot in written communication. <br><br>There have been times however, when I've had to resort to email and CC certain people (never the whole team, just one or two key people) because I needed documentation of the conversation to make sure I was covered. Then again, maybe if I had been better at confronting the problem in the beginning I wouldn't have had to use email. <br> <br>Luckily, situations like these are far and few between and emails/written communication should be the last resort. I'll admit. I can be passive aggressive. I typically avoid conflict at all cost. It's something I'm working on and even though I'm not very good at confrontation, I would prefer to resolve issues face to face because as you said, misunderstandings happen a lot in written communication.

There have been times however, when I've had to resort to email and CC certain people (never the whole team, just one or two key people) because I needed documentation of the conversation to make sure I was covered. Then again, maybe if I had been better at confronting the problem in the beginning I wouldn't have had to use email.

Luckily, situations like these are far and few between and emails/written communication should be the last resort.

]]> By: Jim http://sydneyowen.com/2009/11/06/stand-up-for-yourself-the-right-way/comment-page-1/#comment-2146 Jim Mon, 09 Nov 2009 01:41:49 +0000 http://sydneyowen.com/?p=784#comment-2146 I agree that, when you do decide to resolve conflict, face-to-face is the way to do it. So much of communication is subtle and non-verbal. The ease of misunderstanding in written communication (emails/texts/...blogs?) is a big part of the problem of passive-aggressive solutions. I'm always surprised at work to see a team-wide memo sent out, or to be cc'd on an email, "resolving" an issue between two parties. More often than not, such techniques end up escalating problems, when the issues could easily have been solved had the involved parties just sat down and dealt with it. I agree that, when you do decide to resolve conflict, face-to-face is the way to do it. So much of communication is subtle and non-verbal. The ease of misunderstanding in written communication (emails/texts/…blogs?) is a big part of the problem of passive-aggressive solutions. I'm always surprised at work to see a team-wide memo sent out, or to be cc'd on an email, “resolving” an issue between two parties. More often than not, such techniques end up escalating problems, when the issues could easily have been solved had the involved parties just sat down and dealt with it.

]]> By: Dad http://sydneyowen.com/2009/11/06/stand-up-for-yourself-the-right-way/comment-page-1/#comment-2144 Dad Fri, 06 Nov 2009 20:51:59 +0000 http://sydneyowen.com/?p=784#comment-2144 Dang, who pissed YOU off? Dang, who pissed YOU off?

]]> By: Jamie Varon http://sydneyowen.com/2009/11/06/stand-up-for-yourself-the-right-way/comment-page-1/#comment-2143 Jamie Varon Fri, 06 Nov 2009 20:47:45 +0000 http://sydneyowen.com/?p=784#comment-2143 Honestly, Ryan, I had no idea that I said "mmmkkaaay?" that much. But, I pretty much love that you quoted me on that. <br><br>Oh, and yeah, Sydney, totally. Stand up for yourself. Don't be passive-aggressive. And don't forget to check up on your sick friends. =P Honestly, Ryan, I had no idea that I said “mmmkkaaay?” that much. But, I pretty much love that you quoted me on that.

Oh, and yeah, Sydney, totally. Stand up for yourself. Don't be passive-aggressive. And don't forget to check up on your sick friends. =P

]]> By: mike siete cinco http://sydneyowen.com/2009/11/06/stand-up-for-yourself-the-right-way/comment-page-1/#comment-2141 mike siete cinco Fri, 06 Nov 2009 16:36:42 +0000 http://sydneyowen.com/?p=784#comment-2141 "How do you handle conflict? As much as you’d like to think that you’re good at it, what are your weaknesses? Any secret strategy you want to let me in on?"<br><br>I avoid conflict, at all costs. Conflict arises when there is a lack of understanding or communication. I always show all of my cards, I wear my heart on my sleeve, I am as vulnerable as I can be. Only then, do I ask the people around me to share their feelings, concerns and worries. If I am open, they feel safe to open up as well- then, together we see if we can figure things out. To do this means checking the ego at the door. “How do you handle conflict? As much as you’d like to think that you’re good at it, what are your weaknesses? Any secret strategy you want to let me in on?”

I avoid conflict, at all costs. Conflict arises when there is a lack of understanding or communication. I always show all of my cards, I wear my heart on my sleeve, I am as vulnerable as I can be. Only then, do I ask the people around me to share their feelings, concerns and worries. If I am open, they feel safe to open up as well- then, together we see if we can figure things out. To do this means checking the ego at the door.

]]> By: Sydney Owen http://sydneyowen.com/2009/11/06/stand-up-for-yourself-the-right-way/comment-page-1/#comment-2140 Sydney Owen Fri, 06 Nov 2009 14:47:53 +0000 http://sydneyowen.com/?p=784#comment-2140 LOL I love that you quoted Jamie. I hear you on the whining and crying part. I think really what I'm getting at is the pathetic emails and/or texts that are so, sad, and written in a way that just makes you sigh and feel sorry for the person. Passive-aggressive sucks. It's a double-edged sword. If you address the fact that their approach to resolving conflict is childish - then you're the bad guy. But if you don't tell them, they'll never know, right? Ugh, why can't we all just be merry and love each other? Oh, because then the world wouldn't be as fun as it is. Mmkaaaaayyyy? :) LOL I love that you quoted Jamie. I hear you on the whining and crying part. I think really what I'm getting at is the pathetic emails and/or texts that are so, sad, and written in a way that just makes you sigh and feel sorry for the person. Passive-aggressive sucks. It's a double-edged sword. If you address the fact that their approach to resolving conflict is childish – then you're the bad guy. But if you don't tell them, they'll never know, right? Ugh, why can't we all just be merry and love each other? Oh, because then the world wouldn't be as fun as it is. Mmkaaaaayyyy? :)

]]> By: ryanstephens http://sydneyowen.com/2009/11/06/stand-up-for-yourself-the-right-way/comment-page-1/#comment-2139 ryanstephens Fri, 06 Nov 2009 14:27:39 +0000 http://sydneyowen.com/?p=784#comment-2139 I handle conflict the way the person I have the conflict with dictates I handle it. Sometimes that means approaching the person face to face and talking like two adults. (See: My Favorite.) But often times that would achieve nothing. Some people are dense. In this scenario I like back-handed barbs, and even subtle (they're not so subtle) messages in my blog posts.<br><br>I don't envision you to be this way at all, but I definitely take issue with people who beg for you to give it to them straight, then cry, whine, bitch and moan when you do. You asked for it straight, let it marinate a little bit before you try to defend yourself and say I'm full of shit. You shouldn't have asked for it if you can't handle it. In the words of Jamie Varon, mmmmkkaay ? I handle conflict the way the person I have the conflict with dictates I handle it. Sometimes that means approaching the person face to face and talking like two adults. (See: My Favorite.) But often times that would achieve nothing. Some people are dense. In this scenario I like back-handed barbs, and even subtle (they're not so subtle) messages in my blog posts.

I don't envision you to be this way at all, but I definitely take issue with people who beg for you to give it to them straight, then cry, whine, bitch and moan when you do. You asked for it straight, let it marinate a little bit before you try to defend yourself and say I'm full of shit. You shouldn't have asked for it if you can't handle it. In the words of Jamie Varon, mmmmkkaay ?

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