November 2, 2009

Swallow Your (My) Pride

Nice to see you again. Follow me, @SydneyOwen. Thanks for being here!

This weekend I bartended at a night club in the burbs. I had been whining about how much I miss bartending and here is the conclusion I have come to:

I don’t miss it.

Well, okay, I do, but then I get all ashamed that I do. Like, I’ve moved on and I shouldn’t want to bartend anymore. That was my life in Tampa, that is what put me through college. I shouldn’t have to bartend anymore because I have a degree and a jumpstart to a fabulous career.

I enjoyed being on the other side of the bar up until now, being the patron.

I need to swallow my pride.

I woke up Sunday morning and I cried. A lot. Why? Because I don’t want to be the girl at the agency that has to work two jobs to survive. I don’t want to be looked down upon because I need to bartend to make it here. I don’t want people to think less of me, I don’t want to have to explain it to everyone.

I need to swallow my pride. And suck it up. And be a big girl.

I pride myself on being independent because I don’t have a choice. I don’t have parents that have boatloads of money that they can send me when I’m struggling. And I am struggling. And what do I do when I struggle? I seek out ways to stop the struggling. And for me, that is bartending. It’s kind of an addiction. It’s quick and easy money. I get to make people laugh and smile and if they’re lucky, make new friends.

But I can’t handle the nightclub scene. Well, I can’t handle it in the burbs.

It’s not practical for me to drive out to Melrose Park to work at this nightclub for multiple reasons. For one, three weeks from now my car will be getting a sun tan in Florida for the winter. Then what? How do I get out there? Sure, I could borrow a friend’s car (love you Shield) but it’s not practical. Why? Am I making excuses? No. I don’t like driving around for an hour at 4AM trying to find parking. It’s annoying, and at that hour, not safe. Do I live in the hood? No. Do I live in a big city where I could possibly get robbed or worse, raped while walking back to my house from wherever I managed to find parking? Yes. And that’s not a risk I’m willing to take.

But I need to swallow my pride.

A lot of my emotions yesterday came to be because my last night at Charley’s in Tampa, I said to myself that this was it. I’d never have to bartend again. I’d never have to stuff another olive with blue cheese ever again. I’d never have to wash another bar glass that wasn’t my own. I was so hell-bent on making sure that I could have this fabulous career when I got to Chicago – I ruled out the thought that I just may have to pick up the bottles again to get myself through the beginning stages of this career.

I was so proud of myself for getting the job that nobody back home thought I would get. I wanted to prove to myself (and to them) that I didn’t need to bartend anymore, that I was above it, that I was better than that. I wanted to keep my promise to myself that bartending was what I did to put myself through college. End story. No more.

I need to swallow my pride. Realizing that I need a second job doesn’t make me weak, in fact, I think it’s quite the opposite. It’s better than failing financially and digging myself into a hole and not being able to get out. I won’t have that.

Seeing as how I can sell myself any way on anything, this is the conclusion I’ve come to. I need a second job. I need a second job so I can afford to continue to pursue my career in Chicago. I won’t get very far at Weber if I have to move because I can’t afford to live here.

So that’s that. I need a second job. And you know what? I’m fine with that. I’d prefer it was something creative, but let’s be serious – bartending is where I’m going to make the most money in the shortest amount of time.

So I’m looking. For anything – need social media help? Need a bartender? Need a receptionist? I’m not picky. Just keep in mind I have limited availability and work in an industry where travel may be necessary on pretty short notice.

So if you know anyone that’s hiring, or someone that needs help on the weekends with something – I’m your gal. Tell a friend.

::deep breath:: And there it is.

  • Sydney...you're so strong. I feel like I barely know you, yet know you so well! When I first moved here, I was determined to make it. And I took a job selling knives. KNIVES! I then had to go home and try to sell them, and my pride, to my friends and family.

    You'll get there. In the meantime...I'll check with a few friends and see if they need an expert bartender, or social media consultant. But honestly...you have so much natural talent, if you could find a few small clients, I think you could consult in fewer hours, and make more than you do bartending.
  • Kristi - thanks lady! I think you're right about the consulting - it's something I'm definitely open to and looking into. AAAAAND, I'm doing more of what I love, growing as a person in this career and industry - and I probably won't be up until 4AM doing it. Okay maybe - but that's not necessarily a bad thing!

    Thanks for checking with your friends - you're awesome!
  • Name
    Maybe you should be thankful you have a job and not whine about "making it." You seem to be a tiny fish in a very large pond, no matter how much you plaster your brand everywhere.

    SWALLOW YOUR PRIDE AND GET OVER YOURSELF.
  • Stepping aside from the fact that there are some jealous or purely misguided undertones to your astoundingly insightful three sentences, how DOES one muster up the courage to challenge another person's perceived sense of pride so calmly while at the same time bottling all the inner strength, sense of self worth, and dedication to duty it must have taken to write that comment without logging in and claiming its ownership?

    We aspire to your conviction.
  • Name
    Maybe you should be thankful you have a job and not whine about "making it." You seem to be a tiny fish in a very large pond, no matter how much you plaster your brand everywhere.

    SWALLOW YOUR PRIDE AND GET OVER YOURSELF.
  • You know, being the type of person that doesn't allow someone to be happy for themselves says a lot more about you than it does about Sydney. She's proud of herself, she worked hard, and just because we're in a recession, doesn't mean she needs to stay quiet about her accomplishments.

    The only person that needs to, CLEARLY, get over themselves, is YOU. Move along now. Your jealousy is stinking up this comment section.
  • I love your hustle and tenacity. Just the fact that you are contemplating another job instead of living above your means sets you apart from some. Never be ashamed of making more money as long as it is an ethical way to do it. There's no shame in tending bar to make extra money, friendly bartenders make my day.
  • First of all - hustle and tenacity are two KILLER words - so thank you. Re: ethical etc - I was talking to my dad and he said "you know Sydney, there are a couple things that you could do that would make you more money faster, but they're illegal". So bartending it is! :)

    Friendly bartenders rock - I happen to be one. And I have the best worst pickup lines ever that I pass along to the guys that sit at my bar. And it makes girls laugh. And everyone has fun.

    Thanks for bein here!
  • bensmithee
    Truly Sydney "Unfiltered"!!

    Knowing you personally, I can honestly say you are one of the hardest working people I know. Let's face it, the "real world" is tough, and the fact you won't back down and instead take charge is admirable. The fact you take charge and put it all out on the table for everyone to read, enjoy and learn from....that is courageous!

    Keep doing what you're doing and everything will come together nicely for you!
  • Thanks Ben! You know I gotta live up to the fancy blog name :). The "real world" gets more and more real every day, let me tell you! Is it March yet? Can't wait for SXSW!
  • I don't think you should be ashamed to be bartending. There's nothing wrong with enjoying a job that's not in "corporate America". Plenty of people are happy making a living not sitting behind a desk all day and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. You shouldn't feel like less because you might actually enjoy something like that.
  • I don't think it's so much about whether or not I'm in corporate America as it is that I told myself I wouldn't have to do this ever again - that it was temporary. I think that's where the fleeting moment of feeling ashamed came from. Fact is - I'll do what needs to get done to live the life I want to live - and it's looking like bartending is going to help make that happen. Thanks for being here!
  • I agree you don't need to be embarrassed.

    I am still looking for my first creative job and I am working a non glamorous job as an usher at the Joe. Yes it is cool but really it does not pay the bills really. I am intending on keeping this job even after I land the "job."

    Just think of the bartending as another way to network. I always thought of a bar tender as a person who is very connected. If you think about it this way... you will probably feel better about your situation.
  • Lisa
    Sydney, I love your comment "I get to make people laugh and smile and if they’re lucky, make new friends." You are going to be just fine.
  • I think your incredibly strong and brave to realize that you need some extra help, and instead of complaining about it, you're doing what you need to do. You should not be embarrassed to have to work a 2nd job- if anything, I think it will just prove how dedicated and hard-working you really are, and that will lead to a position that will allow you to quit that second job. You're setting a positive example for fellow Gen Y-ers- Good luck with everything!
blog comments powered by Disqus

Previous post:

Next post: