May 23, 2009

Ask for what you need.

Nice to see you again. Follow me, @SydneyOwen. Thanks for being here!

I am a firm believer in asking for what you need. It’s such a simple concept, but for some reason, some of us are so afraid to ask when we need something. This brilliant concept has helped me help myself and help other people by opening their eyes to the simplicity and power of asking for help.

But sometimes, people won’t ask. Sometimes you have to take it upon yourself to step it up and give them what they need. And sometimes you’ll have to tell them what they need, because they might not know. I recently encountered this with one of my best friends. He’s going through a really tough time, as he has an issue with anxiety and panic attacks, seemingly out of nowhere. He’s hesitant to see a doctor, but these attacks are disabling him from living normally. So I took it upon myself to sit him down and tell him what he needs.

He needs to see a doctor. He doesn’t understand that manning up, getting out of bed and taking advice and guidance from a licensed professional is the right choice. He thinks it makes him weak. Seeking professional help is never a sign of weakness in my eyes. If you’re smart enough to realize there is a problem, and then take the action to alleviate the problem – that is a sign of great strength.

Will he get help? I don’t know. But it is crystal clear to him now that seeking help is the fastest road to feeling better.

The concept of asking for what you need can be carried over to our professional lives as well. In fact, it was at work that I learned to ask for what I need. We were preparing for the Super Bowl to come in town this past February, and we knew that the Saturday before the game would be the craziest night for us. One of the senior bartenders said it very simply: “it’s going to be a madhouse. But it’s our house. Ask for what you need.” 

For example, if I don’t understand something at one of my internships, I don’t say “I don’t know”. I ask for what I need. It has enabled me to grow confident in my skills that I already have and has allowed me to develop new skills. And people that you work with would almost always rather hear you ask for clarification than fake your knowledge and end up doing the task incorrectly. 

In a social sense, I was on Twitter this week asking about rentals in Chicago. Everyone I had talked to so far said that there isn’t really a point in looking until you’re about a month out, and I still have two months to go. Then, Jeff from Planned Property Management contacted me, told me to check out their site, and that I could be looking now, that they had availabilities for August.

So the weekend of my birthday, June 4th-7th, I’m going up to Chicago. I’m touring Weber Shandwick and connecting with the people I’ve been following online, and hopefully meeting some new friends before I start my internship in August. I’m finding a place to live. I asked for what I needed. And now I’m getting it. 

Have you ever been afraid to ask for what you need? Have you ever found yourself telling someone what they need because they don’t realize it? If you are afraid to ask for what you need, what is holding you back?

  • Marja
    Really liked this post because it addresses a problem many people have.

    Asking for help is HARD, especially when you're feeling down or depressed. Why? Because we shy away from it. Because it hurts our pride. And, because of this, it takes a work and energy, something you don't have a lot of when you're down and depressed.

    That being said, admitting your weaknesses is THE BEST thing you can do for yourself at that point, and doing so is not a weakness. Knowing our weaknesses and shortcomings and DEALING with them shows tremendous wisdom and strength.

    I used to be very bad about accepting the fact that I was weak. I was needy. But, this is simply life. Everyone needs help from others to survive.

    And, I'm not sure about you, but most people actually enjoy giving. I certainly do! It makes me feel good. . . fulfilled in some way. In a way, you are actually doing the other person a favor when you ask for help.

    So, again, great article!
  • I've definitely been hesitant to ask for what I need before. In the past, and even now there are times when I feel like asking for help is "being weak," "needy," etc.

    I'm curious if this is more of a male trait due to our current societal norms?

    Anyway, I try to remember two things. One was something Lewis Howes said:

    "Need help with something ? Ask. It’s not an admission of weakness, but shows your determination to succeed."

    I REALLY like that.

    The other is that I think people genuinely like to help, most people anyway. I always feel like I'm bugging people when I ask for a re-tweet or for someone to take a peak at a post I've written. They're busy. I know I am.

    BUT, then I recall situations where people ask me to re-tweet something for them, or check out a post. I don't always have time to read the full post, but I don't ever hold it against them for asking, and most of the time I'm happy to do it. What's the worst that can happen?

    Besides, if all of us "up-and-coming" bloggers help one another out more often we can potentially propel ourselves to the next tier in this huge social space.

    Awesome insights Syd!
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