Nice to see you again. Follow me, @SydneyOwen. Thanks for being here!
If you know of a great therapist – I’m taking suggestions. My mom said I need counseling after the last two relationships I’ve been in so I came straight here. I am my own counselor when I’m writing.
My mom defined the relationships that I’ve been in as “destructive”. According to Dr. Jill Murray, author of Destructive Relationships, I have been diving headfirst into emotionally abusive relationships. After thinking about it – I love guys that need fixing. Though my idea of a fixer-upper is different from this one, the truth is loud and clear. I like guys with issues.
The cop was “separated” and going through a divorce (I say separated in quotes because I found out later, no divorce was ever filed). I stayed in that relationship because I was the “only positive thing” in his life at the time, and I stayed in for the hope of what we could be. That relationship was, in essence, an 11-month long-distance one-night-stand. I should have called it quits after the first week.
But, because of the cop, with the soldier I am not so falsely optimistic. I can now look back at the relationship with the cop and smile, knowing that I learned something.
The soldier humiliated me in public on Wednesday, and on Thursday, the relationship was over. Really. I had a brief moment similar to the one after the cop told me he was married, weighing the odds. Should I give up on something so new? Yes. Should I just run out of here and never look back? Yes. Should I give him the benefit of the doubt? No.
All of the things that the soldier did in the past month that I overlooked were suddenly so annoying. The morning after we first met – he tore the Obama bumper sticker off my window and lit it on fire. He has a bumper sticker that says “Republican women are better looking”, which is clearly a viable political argument (can you smell the sarcasm?), and what is wrong with our country Pre-Obama. He was an asshole to all of my friends at my first-ever house party at the new place. He was an asshole to my best friend, who is dating his brother for crying out loud. He lost his appetite when I put CNN on one morning because he prefers FOX News. He snores, like, chainsaw-loud snoring. Oh, and he drinks an entire bottle of whisky nightly.
Now like I said, I overlooked all of these things because I was still high from the new-ness of the relationship. Had he not humiliated me in public, most of these things would have probably come back to bite me in the ass anyway, so the fiasco on Wednesday night was probably a blessing in disguise. My way out early – if you will.
The greatest thing about learning from my personal relationships is how they change me in my professional life. I would usually prefer to keep the two separate, but crossing over lessons from your personal life to your professional life can definitely help you grow in both areas.
The lesson from this go-round: there are some things you can ignore and some things you can’t. Could I have dealt with the snoring? Probably. The alcoholism? No. At work – can I tolerate a guest that snaps his fingers at me because he wants another cocktail? Yes, though I don’t like that, but yes. Can I tolerate a guest that uses profanity excessively or says or does something extremely inappropriate to any of my coworkers or myself? No.
We run a tight ship behind that bar. We are the best bartenders in Tampa, and I’m not saying that because I’m biased. My coworkers that have been there since it opened 11 years ago built that clientele from the ground up, and we’re not about to let some guy who’s had one too many ruin the atmosphere for our regulars. And it’s a steakhouse – the best steakhouse in America – not a sports bar.
It will be the same thing in my world post-graduation. Will I tolerate having to clip and file media articles? Yes. Will I tolerate an unethical request? No, and that’s why I’ll have my “go to hell fund”, a special savings account for when I have to drop everything at my current job and find a new one because I don’t agree with what they’re doing (compliments of the ever-so-wise, Dr. Miller).
Every new person in my life teaches me something. The fact that I’m not too dumb to learn from the bad stuff puts me that much ahead of the game. Instead of wallowing in sadness or the emotion du jour, I prefer to overanalyze the situation and nit-pick things that I can gain from what I’ve experienced.
So, to the cop and the soldier, and all of the guys that won’t work out in the future, but will inevitably teach me something about myself, thank you.