It has been one month since my last day as a person who regularly received a paycheck. Holy shit. I’ve written before about how it feels like I’ve been doing this Planet Green Socks thing for forever. 29 days of being the boss, you guys.
First things first, let’s talk about all the awesome shit that’s been happening. I’m a fan of lists (more on that in a bit), so let’s bullet this out:
- Planet Green Socks is officially official with the state of California, and I’m waiting on the paperwork from Riverside County. They’ve cashed my check, so I’m assuming I’m good to go and the paperwork will be here any day now. BOOM SHAKALAKA.
- The Sun Sessions: Oceanside event is almost full. We only have two spots left and I’m freaking the fuck out about it, in a good way. SO MANY HAPPY DANCES.
- The Women’s Angle Camp has people signing up, one of which is my long lost fellow shorty, Micaela, who signed up for both Sun Sessions AND the Women’s event. SUPER STOKED.
- The Women’s Retreat tour was rockin, and I’m looking at October-ish for that event to happen. More info on that coming soon.
- My buddy John wants to do a super sweet event in September, we’re working on details. One word: Hawaii.
- We’re working on getting dates sorted for two more Sun Sessions events, one in the midwest and one on the east coast, details coming shortly after the first event.
- I’m actually, legitimately, for realsies making my health a priority. I’m moving more than I’m not, and that’s a good thing.
- My buddy Jason is THE FUCKING MAN when it comes to helping me with backend stuff for Planet Green Socks – funky techy website stuff, emails, hosting, all of it. He’s the shit.
- The Fearless Challenge is giving me clarity on things I didn’t even realize I needed clarity on. I cannot even handle how amazing this community of women is.
- We’re going to PIA! We’re going to go kick it in Daytona with skydiving industry peeps and then hang with my family for a few days.
- Barry’s SoCal dreams have come true. He got a bright blue dune buggy earlier this week. We’re still waiting for the perfect name for it.
Okay, now time for some real talk.
I cried (again) at yoga this morning. Straight up. Not as much as last time, but there was definitely a huge release of emotion as we were closing out our practice today.
And, same as the last time, when I got home and started working, I found this gem in my inbox, titled “You’re nobody’s victim- not even your own” from Kate of Your Courageous Life. Go ahead and read it. I’ll wait.
You’re back? Great.
You decide who you are–you say who you will be in this life. Not your past, or the shitty circumstances, or the people. You can acknowledge the pain of those experiences, without letting them define you. – Kate/Your Courageous Life
I absolutely love how these posts manage to make their way into my inbox exactly when I need them. The Universe is a funny thing.
With that said, today’s activity for the Fearless Challenge was to reflect on our experiences with the exercises so far, think about how we’ve grown in those experiences, and share our single biggest “a-ha” moment.
When I think about all of it, that post from Kate is exactly what I needed to hear to help me grow.
My biggest a-ha moment so far is that I am in control of my life, and my business. My past is not in control. Nor are the rude, obnoxious, manipulative, or downright disgusting people that have presented themselves at different points in my life. This is something I still struggle with on the regular, but it’s definitely getting better. I’ve shifted from taking weird/rude/obnoxious/disgusting comments personally, to realizing that the person making them probably has something they are dealing with, and maybe taking it out on me is easier for them than facing it head on. Compassion is my process now.
So how did I get to the point of having compassion be my process? I like making lists. Stick with me here.
List One: Really Awesome People You Should Spend More Time With (or, Top 5)
You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. -Jim Rohn
This post from Entrepreneur Magazine explains how this is important in business, but this is also true in your personal life. If you’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with, you better be damn sure you like what you see when you look around. This sounds like it could be kinda selfish, but rest assured, it’s not. Because any good relationship – romantic, platonic, business, or something in between, is symbiotic. You give a little, you get a little. You give a lot, you get a lot. This applies for the person on the other end, too. This is how this shit works.
When you’re surrounded by amazing people who lift you up, who know how to gracefully help you keep your shit in check, and can offer feedback and criticism in a constructive way, and that is your “normal” – it’s easy to get knocked down by a less than uplifting comment. Or maybe people who actually have this shit figured out can’t be knocked down. But in my case, I’ve got the “surround yourself with awesome people” thing down, so anything outside of that can blindside me sometimes.
And a month ago, six months ago, two years ago (and beyond), those comments would (and did) send me on a spiral of self-doubt, questioning what I’m doing, and wondering if I had made a wrong turn somewhere. Now, it’s still a work in progress, but those kinds of comments are more of a validation as to why that person isn’t in my top five list of people I want to (or have to) spend time with. Which leads me to another list:
List Two: GIVE ZERO FUCKS List
Kinda tying back into the Mark Manson article – you’ve gotta decide what is worthy of giving a fuck about.
Developing the ability to control and manage the fucks you give is the essence of strength and integrity. We must craft and hone our lack of fuckery over the course of years and decades. Like a fine wine, our fucks must age into a fine vintage, only uncorked and given on the most special fucking occasions. -Mark Manson
So, when I said “But in my case, I’ve got the ‘surround yourself with awesome people’ thing down, so anything outside of that can blindside me sometimes.” I really just called myself out. I still give too many fucks about too many things.
But this post from Kate, it’s helping me figure out that by owning the fact that I am in control of my life and business, I am capable of deciding what situations are worthy of me giving a fuck. And now, a comment that might otherwise leave me blindesided? ZERO FUCKS GIVEN. That literally just happened, from two paragraphs ago. We’ll see how that pans out. It takes practice.
Which is to say, I’ve working on these lists as I work on myself. I’ve got a list of people who are rad that I want to be around, work with, spend time with, drink wine with, eat delicious food with, etc. And I’ve got a “GIVE ZERO FUCKS” list. That list is reserved for people (or situations) who have proven, in one way or another, that we really don’t need to be around each other. And you know what? That’s totally fucking okay to say. It’s not bitchy, douchey, or rude. There are some people that you just don’t ever need to associate with for a variety of reasons – they’re jerks to you, they’re manipulative, they’re sexist, they’re condescending, they make you feel like shit, or maybe something else. Whatever the reason, it is 100% okay to have people (or situations you’d like to avoid) on a GIVE ZERO FUCKS list.
Because with the addition to the GIVE ZERO FUCKS list, you can automagically filter things that might otherwise knock you off your game and avoid the whole spiral of self-doubt, insecurity, or questioning. Instead, understand which list this person falls on, understand that they probably have some shit they’re dealing with and it’s easier to take it out on you, and then smile, nod, and be pleasant as fuck. Or run away awkwardly and avoid eye contact, like I do.
Clearly this giving zero fucks thing is a work in progress.
Also, if you liked the Mark Manson article and/or you’re a fan of the f-bomb and use it on the regular, you should probably (definitely) buy this poster. Erika is the shit. Her writing is the shit. And her poster (which comes from her TEDxBoulder talk) is the shit.
So, whaddya say? Are you refining your process of giving all the fucks? What kind of qualities does your top 5 have? How are they affecting you – good or bad? If you’ve got someone in your Top 5 that needs to make the move over to GIVE ZERO FUCKS, how do you handle that? Let me know in the comments.
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