You guys, the #FearlessIn15 challenge is absolutely rocking my world. One of my favorite parts about it is that there are prompts every day, but the leaders are adamant about reminding us that this challenge is for us to get in touch with our badass selves, and therefore, comments of “I’m so behind!” are totally unnecessary. So many times when I get started with something like this, I miss a day or don’t have anything to say, or not much to share, or I’m actually doing something that pertains to today’s prompt tomorrow, and I end up getting side tracked and discouraged. Sara and the gals leading the challenge are on top of us, in a good way, to remind us that we aren’t late, it’s okay if we don’t post something every day, and that our experiences with the challenge won’t look the same.
Here’s a quick recap of what happened since Friday:
Day 2: #SelfLoveSaturday – it’s super important to make time for yourself, and this is an area I’ve been seriously neglecting. So I took the whole weekend to focus on exactly that. After dropping Barry off at work on Saturday morning, I had grand plans of a lunch with myself and getting a pedicure. Except the weather was kinda shitty. And as soon as I got home, I crawled back into bed, where I slept peacefully until 11:00 AM. Can we talk about that? I haven’t slept in like that in FOREVER. It’s funny how sometimes you can make plans and then your body is like “nope, back to bed you go, young lady!”
Once I woke up, I went to the DZ to pick up Barry, and we went to Stone Brewing for a friend’s birthday. It was absolutely gorgeous outside, my lunch was delicious, and I tried a new beer that they have that I hadn’t had before. We came home and turned in early for the night. I think from Friday night through Sunday morning, I probably slept more than I was awake. Sometimes it’s totally necessary to do that.
Day 3: #PlayMore – I think I have fully grasped the idea that we need to work hard and play harder, and not just in the “drink lots of wine after a really stressful workday” kind of play. The trapeze lesson last week proves that. And while I didn’t spend Sunday on a trapeze, I did spend it, with reckless abandon, on the couch, watching an entire season of Friends on Netflix. I’m not even going to explain why that’s awesome, because if you don’t know, you need to get Netflix, a comfy place to chill out, two snuggly puggles, and a cup of tea. And then go to town. And be merciless with your rest and relaxation.
Day 4: #AttitudeofGratitude – In the last year or two, I’ve directed more focus on being grateful. I think it started with Thanksgiving 2013 (as it always does) and then continued to carry through the ups and downs that 2014 threw my way. Even when shit is really fucking terrible, there is ALWAYS something to be grateful for, and I have been adamant about finding those things in the really dark pits of shitty cards dealt.
On Sunday night, Barry and I had a friend over, and we ended up watching our wedding videos. As such, we rewatched our vows, which always makes me happy cry. One of Barry’s vows was that he’d always support me in any dream I’d ever want to make come true, and he’s done that every step of the way since we met, and especially since we’ve gotten married. I know quitting my job to start my own business is a risky dream to get behind, but he has never wavered one ounce. If anything, sometimes, I think he’s more excited about it than I am. I’ll come pick him up from work and hang around for a bit and people will come up to me and say “Barry told me about XYZ that you’re doing – that is SO cool!” and it is the greatest feeling in the world.
Starting your own business is a stressful time, and from what I have read, it can put serious strain on your relationships. I am forever grateful for Barry’s support, his enthusiasm for what I’m doing, and how he shares it with the world. I do a little dance when people register for an event, and Barry’s right there dancing with me and saying “baby, that’s fucking AWESOME.” Knowing that he’s got my back 100% makes it easier to dream big and make awesome shit happen.
Day 5: #SorrynotSorry (being unapologetic) – this is something I’m still working on. There have been a lot of situations in life and work where I wanted to pull my hair out because I wasn’t being heard, and then I’d apologize for speaking up about it. This article by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant called “Speaking While Female” explains the phenomenon VERY well:
We’ve both seen it happen again and again. When a woman speaks in a professional setting, she walks a tightrope. Either she’s barely heard or she’s judged as too aggressive. When a man says virtually the same thing, heads nod in appreciation for his fine idea. As a result, women often decide that saying less is more.
Today’s prompt wasn’t about how to avoid “manterruption” but was more about how to be unapologetic: to fully embrace who you are and what you want. To know deep down that you deserve everything and more, living life to its fullest for yourself with no regrets.
The challenge today was:
Find a photo that is genuinely you – goofy, silly, no make up…the photos you believe are the true you and you should never apologize for.
This photo instantly came to mind.
I know of only one other skydiver in the group (heeeeey Kat!), so naturally, posting anything skydiving related, the gals in the group are thinking I’m literally fearless because I’m hanging on to the door of a plane.
But I could have taken this photo on the ground, and it would mean all the same. It’s not so much about being fearless in the most literal sense of the word, as it is being completely, totally, genuinely me.
I am so fucking stoked in this picture. Feeling good, ready to rock, and obviously having an awesome time setting up for this exit. In this moment, there are no apologies, no regrets, only pure joy. Though the apologies (for making silly faces when I should have been being serious) may have happened on the ground, in that moment, it’s all good.
I mentioned earlier this month that I DID NOT quit skydiving. In doing so, I realize that people take breaks, some people sell their gear and come back to the sport, some never return. I know I’m not unique in taking a break. There are jumpers who only jump every couple of months, and this is a regular thing, it’s not considered “taking a break” at all.
In thinking of this photo and how I felt when it was taken, I am getting closer to getting comfortable with what the sport means to me, and where I want to devote my attention. I knew this challenge would be great, and I’m really pumped about the clarity I’m getting on things I didn’t expect to get clarity on. SO RAD.
And in the spirit of being unapologetic, to myself and outwardly, I’m not beating myself up for not writing here on Saturday, Sunday, or yesterday. I promised myself I’d write every day, and so far, I’ve done that – whether it’s posts here, participating in challenges, writing for Blue Skies Magazine, or content for Planet Green Socks. I’m still writing. And it’s okay if I don’t post here every single day, especially if I’m just posting for the sake of saying “I posted!” without adding real value to what I’m doing.
Okay, real talk, I’m a bit bummed that I didn’t write here Saturday-Monday, because I really like sharing every day, but sometimes the writers juices just aren’t flowing, ya know? Clearly the unapologetic thing is totally a work in progress. I’m getting there.
What are you apologizing for? What are you TIRED of apologizing for?
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